For you, Ma..

Those childhood memories. They hit you at odd times. Sometimes you don't even need any kind of reminder,, it just shows up. They make you smile, giggle, chuckle and even roar. Sometimes tears form in your eyes, making it hard to see, making it hard to smile.
The older we get, it seems those childhood memories visit us more. I don't know if it because as we age, we see the coarseness of the world and something deep within us needs something "softer". Is it a defense mechanism that God built into us? To be able to remember "softer" times; times that were innocent, times when we looking at all the world with wonder and most of the time delight. Is it these childhood memories that get us through our "golden years?"
I remember as a child, old people were always talking about when they were kids. Did they feel as I am starting to now? That my body has defied me. I am stiff, every joint in my body aches, my memory of what I did yesterday is shot to hell, but by God, I can tell you what happened when I was 4 years old.
I am an aging baby-boomer. 50 is just around the corner. (I have to tell you, as I type that, I felt a nausea in the pit of my stomach. As I look at the number.... 50, I am shocked, I blink my eyes a couple of times, jut to make sure. It is downright appalling... especially when emotionally I feel like I am still about 5 years old.)
What has prompted me to write this stuff down, the memories that are stored in my little brain, is because the other day I was having one of those "reliving childhood moments" and within that memory I could hear my Mother's voice, 'Lyd, you should write about that stuff." My Mother has been telling me to write a book or something for as long as I can remember. (You know what? That saying...'for as long as I can remember' is kinda funny when you get older... cus, hell, most of the time you can't remember a damn thing.)
I digress.... (what's new?) Mom, her telling me to write stuff down. This little lightbulb sputtered and popped and finally lit up over my head... 'Mom's right, I gotta get some of this stuff down.'
You see, my Mom, the witty, intelligent, empathic, gentle woman that she is has been having some memory problems for a few years now. A lot of it is due to the fact that stress got the best of her when she was dealing with a husband that was going through life with a chip on his shoulder, angry at everything, confused, frustrated and mostly just plain afraid of his failing health. He didn't make things easy for my Mom. After she retired, she was having to be home with him all day, and it really took its toll.
And Mom, being the dedicated person that she is, stood by him, maybe she was gritting her teeth and cussing up a blue-streak under her breath the whole time, but she hung in there until his passing a couple months ago.
So, Ma, this is for you. Let's take a little trip down memory lane- you could use the laugh, I'm sure. And please don't fall over from shock that I am actually doing something you suggested. I do listen, ok, well, some of the time.
With all my love,
"Lyddie"